Trusting (even when it looks lazy)
My depression workshop is less than 24 hours away, and it’s not yet ready to go.
If I were a dutiful adult, I’d probably be working on that right now instead of musing. Fortunately, I’m not, so here I am. (Notice that I intentionally did not use the phrase “responsible adult” because Liz Gilbert taught me that being responsible means “having the ability to respond,” and when you use Liz’s definition, I’m incredibly responsible. I’m responding right now by listening to the urge to write.)
Let’s talk about this. Why, during crunch time, are my fingers on the keyboard musing instead of working on the workshop that I will be presenting in less than 24 hours?
The workshop I’ve been hyping up for weeks, no less.
Am I crazy? Do I not care about the experience of the workshop participants? Am I lazy? Missing a few marbles?
Oooh, maybe I’m self-sabotaging. We love to throw that one around, don’t we? Especially those of us with recovery backgrounds.
Except…
I don’t really think I’m doing anything crazy, lazy, stupid, or self-sabotage-y.
I think that I am a Manifesting Generator who is taking the Human Design experiment very seriously. And my hypothesis is that this is going to work out in my favor.
I could be wrong. I could be back here tomorrow saying, “Whelp, I definitely messed up. I should have used every single free minute yesterday preparing for the workshop because it was a total flop and spending 30 minutes musing was a mistake.”
Or I could come back and say, “Guys, it worked. The workshop was everything I hoped it would be!”
Here’s the thing that happens when you start taking Human Design seriously – you start using “effortlessness” as your measuring stick. Because the Human Design hypothesis (and that’s all it is – a hypothesis that you’re encouraged to experiment with) is this:
Any human who is living in alignment experiences tremendous ease and flow in their life.
And, I gotta tell you, ever since I’ve gotten serious about Human Design, the amount of ease and flow in my life has been insane.
In. Sane.
Here’s what I can tell you about being a Manifesting Generator – we, like Manifestors, are exceptionally good at getting things started. We can get things off the ground faster than anyone else out there.
But we’re not great at finishing things. We’re not great at the final push. Nor are we good at details.
So, if I were still the Keely that existed when I ran the nonprofit and got super burned out because I followed conventional wisdom instead of honoring my inner guidance, I’d be focused AF on the workshop right now. I’d be fine-tuning slides. I’d be putting finishing touches on the action plan. I’d be going over what I was going to say.
And I’d be miserable. Because I hate detail-y stuff.
Then, tomorrow, I wouldn’t show up at the workshop brimming with enthusiasm. I’d show up a little resentful. A little depleted as well.
And that’s not how I want to show up.
Every Human Design chart spells out your number one gift in life. Do you know what my number one gift is? Magnetic charisma.
I have ridiculous levels of charisma when I’m lit up about something. I will inspire you. I will motivate you. I will show up in a way that helps you change your life in a meaningful way.
And… it’s probably a really good idea for me to show up as that version of myself tomorrow. Because the people who signed up for this workshop – they’re looking to make a change. They have chronic depression. They’re not getting the results they want from their current treatment protocols. And they want to shift their trajectory. They want to begin taking meaningful steps so that they can overcome depression.
And magnetically charismatic Keely knows how to help them do that.
Resentful and depleted Keely does not. I don’t know if you noticed the conditional I included earlier, but I only have ridiculous levels of charisma if I’m lit up by the thing I’m doing.
So, in my worldview, the most important thing I can do today is ensure that I stay lit up.
Therefore, dear workshop attendees, I apologize in advance if the slides aren’t as perfect as they should be.* But I’m willing to bet big on the approach I’m taking. And I’m far more interested in showing up for you as my most helpful self than I am in impressing you with perfection.
I hope it works out for us.
And, if it doesn’t, I’ll let you know. My friend Sneh loves when I write about my failures, so it’s a win-win either way: either I end up with a workshop that helps people change their lives, or I end up with a story about falling on my face that will make Sneh happy.
Don’t you love it when things work out?
In committed experimentation,
Keely
*The slides are freaking great because I didn’t make them. The amazing Therese, who is also deep in her Human Design experiment, did and they’re sooo good. The parts that won’t be perfect are the parts where my outline was weak.
P.S. In case you don’t yet know about Human Design, please know that nothing in this post is prescriptive. Human Design is about finding out what actually works for you so you don’t get caught in the trap of following advice that will never work for you. There are plenty of people (including Therese who is helping me with this workshop) who are living 100% in alignment by focusing on fine-tuning, tweaking and improving. That’s why teams are important. We’re meant to exist in tribes and villages and being compulsively self-reliant isn’t serving anyone. Thank you, Therese, for all your help with the fine-tuning, tweaking and improving and thank you, Erin for your feedback form brillance. This workshop is so much better than it was thanks to you two!