Navigating Life as an Orchid (for orchids + parents/partners/friends/Earth-mates of orchids)
One of the things I struggle with as a human is having a "pea under the mattress" level of sensitivity in a few key areas.
If you, like me, identify as an orchid, this is something you likely experience as well.
The defining characteristic of orchids (compared to dandelions and tulips) is our sensitivity to our environment. Human orchids, like plant orchids, have an exquisite level of sensitivity to their surroundings. In the right environment, we thrive and flourish. In the wrong environment, we struggle and flounder.
This, importantly, IS NOT SOMETHING ORCHIDS NEED TO CORRECT OR FIX. Our sensitivity is not a shortcoming or a failure. It's a beautiful and useful trait. It's a strength.
...if (and only if) you know how to harness it.
Because an orchid who doesn't know how to navigate having high environmental sensitivity is going to have a hard time enjoying being a human on planet Earth. And I think maybe these themes are what I'm most interested in: 1) being a human who personally delights in the human experience and 2) learning in public around that theme in hopes of helping others delight in their human experience.
I think it's kind of brutal that we live on a gorgeous and generous host planet which, according to shamanic wisdom, is imbued with her own consciousness, and so many of us are kind of like, "I hate being here, this is the worst, why did I have to be born, I didn't ask for this, being a human on Earth sucks."
Of course, if you are 50% of the people in my life, you've never thought a single one of these thoughts. My writing is wildly unrelatable to so many people I know because they were born content, live content, raise content children, then die content.
But for some of you? For the friends I've met in recovery rooms and at ayahuasca retreats and other gathering places for people like us? You've thought all of these things. Liz Gilbert and Glennon Doyle both struggle to be friends with people who haven't had at least one mental illness, but I find myself evenly split: 50% of the people I love most have had lives like mine. The other 50% have no idea what I'm talking about when I say I used to hate being a human on planet Earth.
I'm getting off track though. The thing I'm specifically struggling with at the moment is that my system has a massive reaction when too many urgent and/or "obligation-y" things pop up.
Things that I don't want to do but have to do. Like sorting out a tax situation or canceling my fulfilling plans two days in a row to run to Hong Kong because a medical office doesn't have their act together.
My ideal self doesn't miss a beat when things like this happen. She has Dalai Lama-level resilience and rolls with the punches.
My actual self curls up in a ball and sobs.
This stuff – it's so hard for me. So, so, so hard for me.
I spend a significant amount of time intentionally and strategically life-crafting to minimize "curl up in a ball and sob" moments...and the things I do work. I don't have moments like this more than a few times a year, which is FREAKING AMAZING because every day of my life used to feel like a "curl up in a ball and sob" moment.
The progress! It's mind-blowing.
But here's the thing that's got my wheels spinning: Keely of 2023 can relax in tremendous ease and trust because I know that I'm really, really good at nipping things in the bud. I know what my "pea under the mattress" sensitivities are. I know what my system does when they come up. And I know exactly how to shake it off.
I genuinely feel that I am never more than a week away from feeling good because I am really, really, REALLY good at signing my own permission slips.
I prioritize feeling good, and I know what works for me. I have the kind of life where, if I need to, I have not only the resources but also the support to do EXACTLY what I need to do to feel better...even if it sometimes seems a little extravagant.
But, now that I've stepped into a teacher role, I'm helping people who may not yet have the resources and support to follow my model. They can't just clear their calendar at will and flutter off to a tropical island for a week.
I feel this so acutely because this also used to be true for me. It's only been the last few years where I've both had the resources and support (thanks hubby) to go fully into "I have zero tolerance for protracted suffering and I WILL nip. this. in. the. bud." mode.
So I want to know…
What are everybody else’s tips and tricks? When one of your acute sensitivities pops up and you find yourself dangerously close to the "curl in a ball on the floor and sob" zone – what do you do? What’s on your “nip it in the bud” list?
You can answer publicly or privately. You can answer from a place of privilege or a place of scraping by.
I just want to put together a list that I can share, and I'm asking for some help.
Love,
Your friend who thinks the winning formula is to 1) prioritize getting yourself back to feeling good above ALL ELSE then 2) use your time, energy, and effort when you're feeling good to prevent future descents into "I need to drop everything to deal with this" moments
***
Morning Musings is a delight-first writing practice where I make a cup of coffee, dance around my house a little bit, then put my fingers on the keyboard and see what comes up.
Some folks find these musings helpful. They say that my willingness to share my unpolished insides helps them feel a little lighter. If you know anyone who might like this musing, please share it freely.