An Anti-Following Through Manifesto
Has anyone noticed how many things I’ve boldly proclaimed I was going to do over the last year, only to not actually do them?
Like starting a How to Human book club.
Or writing “How to Human: The Instruction Manual You Would Have Gotten From Your Elders If Our Society Sucked Less.”
Or sticking with being a “daily-ish” muser?
Instead, I go through waves. Sometimes, I’ll clock a 30-day publishing streak, sending out a musing every morning without fail. Other times, there will be radio silence for weeks on end.
There’s no consistency. No predictability.
Instead, there’s me doing whatever I want whenever I want because that’s how I’ve chosen to live my life.
In case you’re wondering, this musing will not be going in the direction of giving myself a slap on the wrist. I feel neither shame, guilt nor remorse about saying I’m going to do something, then not doing it.
Does that surprise you?
It surprises Sam. He brought it up over pizza in Rome last week, commenting on it with a tone of awe. “It’s really brave of you,” he said, “This learning in public thing that you do. I can’t imagine not getting bogged down by a sense of obligation if I went through the world the way that you did. If most people said they were going to write a book, they’d probably feel like they had to write that book. But you? You just write a different musing a few weeks later and say, ‘Eh, never mind. Not going in that direction.’ It doesn’t seem like it impacts you in the slightest.”
And he’s right. His read is spot on. I’m not impacted in the slightest by this tendency of mine.
Do you know why? Because, in this particular chapter, I’m not practicing the skill of following through no matter what. I’m not practicing discipline or stick-to-it-ness or keeping my mouth shut à la Hemingway (“Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”)
Instead, I’m practicing different skills. Like trusting delight. Prioritizing joy. Relaxing. Mmm…relaxing.
I don’t particularly care about being known as a disciplined human. I don’t care about being known as someone who follows through no matter what. And I want every single person in my life to understand that a sense of obligation will DEmotivate me, so please don’t ever try that route.
I want to be free. Relaxed. At ease. Happy. Blissful. Grateful. Loving. Kind.
So I do the things that light me up when they light me up, then I shrug and say, “So long for now,” if they stop lighting me up.
And, if I ever start to feel like I’m falling victim to shiny object syndrome, where I jump from thing to thing without ever giving any a chance to succeed, then I’ll probably change my ways.
But, right now, in this moment, on July 24, 2023 – I’m making progress on my most meaningful goals while also spending vast chunks of every single day in a state of gratitude, delight, and awe. So, in my book, my approach is working.
And, according to Human Design and the Gene Keys, this approach isn’t for everyone. My chart has three occurrences of “divine relaxation,” (Gate/Gene Key 20) which is unlikely to be true for you. What I’m writing about isn’t a prescription for how to live. It’s a gentle reminder that we’re not just allowed, but actively encouraged, to life-craft.
To build lives that work for our unique bundles of nature and nurture, cells, and life experiences.
If you know something works for you, maybe do more of it.
If you know something doesn’t work for you, maybe do less of it.
Martha Beck likes to regularly remind us that we should stop paying her money because every single piece of wisdom she has to offer boils down to this: “What leaves you feeling bad, do less of. What leaves you feeling good, do more of.”
In freedom,
Keely
Amen 💯